When Hurricane Sandy hit my area in 2012, every neighborhood except mine lost power. Some houses didn’t have power for over a week, but the lights in my house barely even flickered. That’s why when we lost power the other day during a storm, my family assumed it would be back within the hour. We were a wee bit wrong, and it didn’t come back until 24 hours later. This was my first real power outage, and even though dedicating a whole blog post to it seems a bit dramatic, the past day of my life has been really uncanny. Without trying to find too much deeper meaning behind it, I just wanted to talk about some of the weird events of the past 24 hours of my life.
In 24 hours, it’ll all be over. I will never write a DBQ again. I will never check the Home Access Center again. I will never make my daily walk from the loser lot to Mr. Murphy’s classroom for first period again. It’ll all be over, and I don’t know how I feel.
When I thought about graduation day in the past, I assumed I would be either very thrilled or super upset about leaving high school and moving forward. However, all I feel now is an uneasy feeling in my chest that I cannot fully put into words.
I’ve been a Jane the Virgin fan for years now, so when I heard that Justin Baldoni (Rafael on the show), Emily Baldoni (Justin’s wife), and Haley Lu Richardson (the fiancée of Brett Dier, who plays Michael on the show) were all part of a new movie coming out this spring, I knew I had to see it. Unfortunately, time got away from me, and I never got a chance to see it in theaters. But when it came out on itunes, I decided that Five Feet Apart was worth the 14.99 payment even though I’m the cheapest person I know.
I was in a happy, stable state of mind when I sat down to watch the film, so I expected that while it may make me tear up a little, the film wouldn’t make me full on cry. Boy, was I wrong.
How did I decide where to go to college? Good question- I don’t really know. I mean, I do know, but I don’t know how to tangibly explain it. So I suppose I’ll start from the beginning and hope that a somewhat comprehensible answer will come about.
Two years ago, I discovered the show Gilmore Girls. If you’ve never watched it, quit reading while you’re ahead because this post is solely centered on this sitcom. When I first watched Gilmore Girls, I was mesmerized by Rory and the amazing life she had. I was inspired by her academic talents, her ability to attract any guy she wanted, and her town’s absolute adoration of her. Her relationship with her mom, Lorelei, seemed perfect, and her crystal clear complexion never suffered. Her life seemed flawless, and I wanted to resemble her in every way possible.
Fast forward to a few months ago, I was looking for a new show to waste my time on. The coziness of the town of Stars Hollow is perfect for watching on cold, winter nights, so I decided to start the series again. I could spend all night writing my analysis of the whole show from the first to the last episode, but that’s extremely extra, and I don’t think anyone has an attention span long enough to read all those thoughts. What I want to zero in on is the fact that Rory is the most misleading character I’ve seen on any show I’ve ever watched. The Gilmore family and Stars Hollow community idolize their precious Rory, but in reality, Rory is nothing but a cheater who gets everything handed to her.
When I entered my freshman year of high school, I was an unconfident, weak, and passive person. Up to that point in my life, I had quit every sport I ever tried. I didn’t know the value of hard work, I didn’t know what it meant to push myself, and I surely didn’t know that I was capable of succeeding in what I consider to be the hardest sport known to man. When I say that cross country changed my life, I really mean it.
There’s a song called “This Will Be My Year” by Train. It’s about having hope that the upcoming year will be the year that changes everything for the better. Pat Monahan, the lead singer, explains through song that even after many failed attempts, he still has hope every new year. By the end of the song, Monahan realizes that every year has its own struggles, but with his wife by his side, he can tackle the challenges the years ahead will inevitably throw his way.
Coming into 2018, I was struggling a lot. I was in the midst of my accutane cycle, and even though my skin was slowly starting to get better, I was extremely insecure about it. I was also getting over a really tough breakup. My foot was still injured, so couldn’t run to cope with these struggles, and that was the cherry on top of the very crappy pie. I didn’t have much hope for 2018 because 2017 kicked my butt that badly. All I wanted was a year of healing, but I didn’t think it was possible.
Luckily, 2018 was my year. It was far from perfect, and I definitely didn’t meet my future spouse like the Train singer did, but it was the most transformative year of my life thus far.
The weather today was absolutely disgusting. High 30s and cloudy. I’ve always wondered why hell is fiery because an ice-cold atmosphere seems much worse to me than any level of heat. Anyways, as I was raking the leaves in my front yard, I pondered the same things I’ve been pondering on a daily basis the last few weeks. Why is the cold so much harder for me to handle than the heat? Why does the sun have to set so damn early these next few months? Are there places where the sun doesn’t set this early? Would I be happier living somewhere warmer? Would I want to give up the pretty fall colors and the cozy snow days to live somewhere where I’m not constantly freezing from November to March? Why am I so much sadder in the winter than in the summer?
All I hear from my fellow seniors anymore is “I can’t wait to finally leave this place.”
While most people in my grade are suffering from a bad case of Senioritis, I feel plagued by a different kind of 12th-grade struggle.
For as long as I could remember, the first few weeks of school have been full of pure anxiety. Every year I have an unshakable fear that I’m going to fail all my classes and that I’m not going to have anyone to talk to. Every year, I end up proving myself wrong. My grades end up perfectly fine, and I make some friends in each class. Still, this fear haunts me every time a new school year starts.