For as long as I could remember, the first few weeks of school have been full of pure anxiety. Every year I have an unshakable fear that I’m going to fail all my classes and that I’m not going to have anyone to talk to. Every year, I end up proving myself wrong. My grades end up perfectly fine, and I make some friends in each class. Still, this fear haunts me every time a new school year starts.
The next few months of my life are going to be absolutely insane. Going from school, to cross country practice, to work is going to be extremely hard. Having to start homework at 10 every night is definitely going to take a toll on me. Add in college applications and mix in 4 AP classes, and you get the perfect recipe for a continuous series of nightly breakdowns.
I feel overwhelmed when I think about how much I have to do, and how little time I have to do it. However, there’s one thing that mitigates all of these anxieties: This is my last year of having these kinds of worries.
At first, it may sound like I’m happy that I only have a year left of high school. Honestly though, it’s bittersweet. The worries I have now are nothing compared to the real-life worries that will come my way a few years from now, and I’m nervous to let go of the struggles that I’ve seen be solved time and time again.
I can’t make myself stop freaking out about writing my AP US papers, but I can make myself revel in the freak outs. I refuse to let myself give in to senioritis, but I will allow myself to take it easy and not be the try-hard I have been for the past 12 years.
I’m super sick as I write this post. Tonight, I’m going to a Niall Horan concert, even though I have both school and a race tomorrow. I know fully well that I won’t feel well 24 hours from now, but I’m also determined to live a little this year. That beautiful, Irish treat doesn’t come to Philly every day, so you bet I’m going, no matter how many tissues and cough drops I have to rely on to get me through the night.
As much as people around me are excited to leave high school, I’m a nostalgic mess. I love the friends I’ve made here and the coziness that my town offers. It’s not going to be easy to say goodbye in 9 months. I want to enjoy every last minute of high school, even the unpleasant ones. I want to take in everything I possibly can with the friends I’ve made, and that’s why today, a concert is more important to me than a good quiz grade.
This post has been rather jumbled up, but I wanted to get my thoughts out there before going back to school after this four day weekend. If you’re a senior reading this, make this year count. I know you’re probably excited to get the hell out of wherever you are, but before you know it, you’ll be wishing you had one more night to spend with your friends. You’ll be wishing your biggest problem was your terms quiz next period. You’ll be wishing you laughed through all the stress. Find the kind of balance that will give you the assurance to say that you made this last year as wholesome as it could be. For everyone who isn’t a senior, find that balance anyways. No matter how old you are, it’s never too early or late to embrace your worries and live like you’ve always wanted to.